To champion ‘Acts of Wellness’, we’ve teamed up with leading psychology and relationship expert, Carly Dober, to validate the significance of this new language of love.
When speaking about Acts of Wellness in general, Carly noted, “It’s incredibly validating to see ‘Acts of Wellness’ recognised as a real love language. True care often hides in the boring stuff - like reminding someone to stretch or actually drink water. It’s time we celebrate those everyday efforts.”
It’s not often we’re in the company of an expert on all things loooove. So, we sat down with Carly for a quick-fire Q&A where we discussed Acts of Wellness and the Sixth Love Language. Get the love lowdown below.
Can you please explain what you see as being an Act of Wellness and can you give us some examples?
I think Acts of Wellness are behaviours that are intended to support someone's wellbeing. And for me personally, I see it as things like going for a massage, taking a hike with your best friend of your partner, having an afternoon at the beach, scheduling their health appointments, or cooking them a meal when they're unwell.
What kind of positive feelings can come about from partaking in an Act of Wellness for a loved one?
Research shows us the brain loves when we do kind things for those that we care about. So, we get a lot of beautiful neurochemical influx, and we also get a mood boost which can help our wellbeing as well.
Can we empower people in our lives to give an Act of Wellness?
Two ways that really stick out to me is modelling the behaviour and talking about it. You can model it by showing people how we can look after each other and then hopefully that behaviour carries on. It’s also helpful to talk to your people about what actually keeps you well. So, if you know that you enjoy quality time, going for walks or doing something active together, tell the people around you so they know how to help and love you in the right way.
What are the potential downsides of giving too much?
Overextending yourself does mean you run the risk of like high stress, mental health issues, lack of sleep, physical health issues and interpersonally you run the risk of resenting the person for something that they haven't actually done.
What advice would you give to someone that loves to give but is struggling with burnout and is there any boundaries that they should put in place?
I tell them to pace themselves and to be honest with themselves. You can't be everything to all people as much as you would want to. My recommendation is to be flexible with your schedule, understand that you also need time as well, and try to find that balance.
Is there any advice that you can share around managing expectations and disappointment?
I'd probably say to communicate. It's such a simple tool, but we can set ourselves up for failure if we expect too much and the other person has no idea what we're thinking or feeling. So, practice communicating even the difficult conversations and they'll improve your relationships.
Lastly, what is your favourite Act of Wellness?
I can't pick one, I've got a top three. I love being outdoors, so a day the beach or out hiking is definitely up there. I also love going for massages, and lastly, reading is the downtime I need to truly relax. So yeah, they're my favourite!
